


The blue diamonds

by BlackAngelis



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beautiful Golden Fools, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Incest, Protective Siblings, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, marital rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackAngelis/pseuds/BlackAngelis
Summary: Robert leaves blue diamonds on Cersei's skin.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister & Tyrion Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Jaime Lannister & Tyrion Lannister, Robert Baratheon/Cersei Lannister
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	The blue diamonds

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Les diamants bleus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23792326) by [BlackAngelis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackAngelis/pseuds/BlackAngelis). 



The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the air smells like summer and the people enthusiastically applaud as the royal procession passes by. The King looks strong, thanks to him peace has returned, the dragons have been killed, no more fire, no more ashes, look, this is our savior, have you seen the Queen, she is so beautiful, Cersei smiles, riding her horse, her hair in the wind, her head high, she waves at them.

 _I am the Queen_ , she thinks proudly. _My subjects. I am the Queen. I am the Queen._

The crowd gathers around them, the guards struggle to push it away. Cersei meets the eyes of a little black-haired girl who stares at her with two eyes as bright as little stars. She smiles at her with a certain sweetness mixed with bitterness.

At her side there is Robert, Robert is handsome with his blue eyes and black beard, Robert is strong, Robert is determined, Robert is a hero, Robert is King, Robert is wanted by all the women in the Seven Kingdoms, but Robert is hers and she is his.

That's all the people need to know.

_I am the Queen. I am the Queen._

This trip to the Sept has lasted longer than expected, Robert is upset, she can tell by the way his jaw tightens, she can tell by watching his fingers wrapping around the pommel of his sword.

Cersei continues to smile.

"Long live the king! Long live the Queen!"

They’re back at the Red Keep. The cheers fade, like a cloud carried away by the wind. It's a beautiful day, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and her people have just cheered her, her people love her, the Queen with golden hair.

"You smiled too much," Robert says. "I've told you before: the people must fear us as much as they love us."

_I am the Queen. I am the Queen._

"It will not happen again."

He nods and walks away.

.

The Red Keep is a real anthill. The servants are running, twirling, jostling, laughing, in two weeks time the fifth anniversary of the defeat of the Mad King and the coronation of Robert will be celebrated, the noblest families of the Seven Kingdoms are expected, the festivities will last two whole weeks. Cersei wanders through the corridors with grace, her diamond crown on her head, people are silent as she passes by, they hardly dare raise their eyes, they whisper with excitement, the Queen looked at me, the Queen smiled at me, the Queen did this, the Queen did that.

_I am the Queen._

She stops by a window and gazes up at the sky, thinks, takes off her crown, brushes with her fingertips the gemstones that are embedded in it. Red diamonds, green diamonds, blue diamonds.

A shadow appears behind her.

"Your Grace?"

Cersei is startled. The crown falls to the ground.

"Lord Baelish."

He bends over and picks it up before looking at the diamonds with a pensive look on his face.

"Can I help you?" Cersei asks.

"I'm looking for the King."

"I don't know where he is right now."

His eyes pierce her, she glances at his mockingbird-shaped pin.

"It's a beautiful crown," he says, pretending to give it back.

When she grabs it, their fingers touch. She steps back.

"Robert likes giving me diamonds."

"I've noticed."

She turns and walks away slowly. Once Littlefinger's clear eyes no longer burn her, Cersei starts running.

.

"... Kingslayer…"

People whisper, gossip, insult him as he goes by. Jaime doesn't listen, Jaime doesn't listen anymore.

_Burn them all!_

Oh, if they knew, their insignificant little eyes would turn to the ground and never look at him again, overwhelmed by shame.

"Jaime!"

He stops and lets Tyrion catch up with him.

"You're impossible to find right now."

"I wish I were."

He looks around. The corridors of the Keep, normally deserted at this hour, are full of people.

"I wish I could disappear for a whole month until these stupid festivities are over."

The lords of Westeros. Hypocrites who drag his name through the mud of the Seven Kingdoms but will shut up when they pass him by.

"I'd like to leave this damned city. I'd like to tell them how pathetic they are. I'd like to-"

"Jaime."

Tyrion's voice is sharp, they are not alone here, some overly curious servants glance at them.

"You know that anything you say is likely to come to Robert's ears."

Jaime clenches his fists.

"I hate him as well."

"He doesn't like you, he's never liked you, you know that. He only tolerates you for Cersei's sake."

Jaime remembers the wedding, that moment when his other half slipped away. She was beautiful that day, so beautiful.

"Where is she, anyway?" Tyrion asks.

"Probably in her bedchamber, contemplating her diamonds."

His voice is so dry that he barely recognizes it.

"Jaime..."

He moves away quickly. He doesn't see the sorry look on Tyrion's face behind his back.

.

Cersei opens her jewelry box, observes what is inside, runs her fingers over the cold diamonds, takes them out, contemplates them at length. Blue diamonds, purple diamonds, yellow diamonds.

 _My Diamond Queen_ , Robert whispers in her mind.

A few tears fall to the floor.

.

"Lord Arryn!"

Jon Arryn stops, turns to him, frowning.

"Yes?"

Robert's Hand looks exhausted.

"Rumor has it that my father plans to honor us with his presence in two weeks. Is that true?"

_Control your emotions. Control your emotions._

"Well, indeed, Lord Tywin has accepted our invitation."

Tyrion looks out the window.

"I see."

A little grey bird lands on the ledge, hops, chirps.

"My lord?"

The bird turns its little black inquisitive eyes towards them, gazes at them with a certain pride, you are caged, it seems to say, I am free, I am better than you, weak and miserable little creatures, I am...

"My lord? Is everything all right?"

Jon Arryn's hand rests on his shoulder. Tyrion is startled.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he says.

He turns to the window again.

The bird is gone.

.

"Father is coming," Jaime lets out.

The soft late afternoon sun is lighting up gold sparkles in Cersei's long hair. He swallows, his heart twisting.

"I know," she replies.

She let him convince her to walk with him through the gardens of the Red Keep, her arm clinging to his.

"You know why he agreed," Jaime continues, and what he says is not a question.

She stops near a lemon tree, lets go of him, you're annoying, brother.

"What's your point, Jaime?" Cersei sighs.

He grabs her arm, makes her look him in the eye, it's green against green, she shivers.

"He's going to ask me to leave the Kingsguard. He wants his heir back."

She lets him wrap a strand of her hair around his fingers with an empty look.

"Say something!"

"Maybe you should accept."

"What?"

"You hate King's Landing. There's nothing really keeping you here."

He remains silent, feels hurt, hates himself for it, hates her for being so distant, a creature of marble, a rough diamond that he can no longer approach.

"You know that's not true."

He bends down, picks a flower and puts it in her hair, for a moment everything is back to the way it used to be, they are young and carefree again, everything is stolen kisses and passionate nights, do you remember, Cersei, he wants to shout, do you remember how much we loved each other, please tell me you haven't forgotten.

Jaime reaches out his hand to caress her cheek. She grabs his wrist, his fingers wiggle in the air.

"Jaime," she whispers, her voice trembling. "Please."

She takes a step back, it was about time, Robert comes out of the shadows, stops a few feet away from them and gives Cersei a little nod, a little bit like when he came to King's Landing all those years ago, the new King with his black hair, a proposal and it was over, he had taken Cersei away from him.

And, just like all those years ago, Cersei walks away from Jaime to join her King without looking back, he can only stand here with rage in his heart, that's the way it is, he only ever had flowers and stupid dreams to offer her, he never had the strength to stand up to Robert and his diamonds.

.

_"_ What were you talking about?" Robert asks.

He's holding her by the waist, Cersei forces herself not to wince in pain, she's used to it, even though she almost gave herself away when Jaime grabbed her arm earlier.

"Our father," she replies.

"You must be happy to see him again after all this time."

"Yes."

She nods, yes, my King, of course, my King, anything you want.

"Very happy."

They stop near a stone bench, sit down, he runs his hand through her hair, kisses her on the neck, it tickles, she lets out a little giggle.

"My beautiful Queen."

His fingers run over her skin and stop on her flat belly.

"Will we have good news for him?"

He always uses the same strange tone, a mixture of hope and disinterest, Cersei lowers her head, shaking it slightly from left to right.

"No."

His hand withdraws, she disappoints him again, he's no longer in the mood for caresses and kisses, he gets up, five years, five years and still no child, you're so disappointing, my Queen.

"That's a shame."

That's it, he's leaving, she won't see him all day, she feels so helpless.

"Robert!"

He glances back, frowning.

"I will give you an heir. I can do it."

He looks at her from top to bottom, his eyes linger a little too long on the grave that her belly is, it's dead in there, it's dead.

"I know."

He doesn't turn around again.

_._

_Two blond twins are arguing in the shade of a tree._

_"Listen, Cersei, I don't want you to be mean to Tyrion anymore."_

_"He killed Mother! He's a monster, I hate him!"_

_Jaime shakes his head, frowning, fists on his hips._

_"He's our little brother. It wasn't his fault. If you can't understand that, then I don't want to talk to you anymore."_

_"But..."_

_Jaime turns his back on her and walks away._

_Cersei screams, cries, rages for a week, two weeks, even her father doesn't scare her anymore, she begs Jaime, there's nothing to be done, he was serious. She doesn't want to lose him, he's her other half, so there's only one solution left._

_One morning, she finds Tyrion curled up in a deserted corridor. She sighs, tears come to her eyes, she hates him so much, but she loves Jaime so much._

_She approaches him, he looks down, he's afraid of her._

_She reaches out her hand._

_"Do you want to come play with us?"_

_He stares at her, eyes widening._

_Gratitude._

_Hope._

.

"Where is Jaime? He's late," Cersei says.

Tyrion twists his fork between his fingers, puts it down, takes it back, looks at the food on his plate with disgust, puts it down again.

"I don't think he's coming," he replies. "He told me he's not hungry."

And he's not the only one, he thinks, looking at his sister, it's true, she's a little thinner every day while the Seven Kingdoms are just waiting for one thing, for her belly to swell.

"Is there a problem?" she asks.

Tyrion finishes his third glass of wine, it's not even good but it doesn't matter, he has no other key to unlock the door of drunkenness.

"It's just these stupid celebrations. He doesn't want to get spit in his face for two whole weeks, that's all. Besides, he's just found out that Ned Stark is coming with his Tully wife and their two children."

Cersei takes a few seconds to reply, you've got to be kidding me, it's not possible.

"Ned Stark? _Here_?"

Tyrion sighs, Ned is one of the people who hates Jaime the most, this dirty business is going to end badly.

"Robert insisted he come, I hear."

"Why should he bring his children? They're so young, it's a long and hard journey for them."

Her tone becomes aggressive, she seems to accuse him, what have you done now, Tyrion, what new means of disgracing our family have you found, he raises his hands to claim his innocence.

"Don't look at me like that! I told you, it was Robert who insisted. He's your husband, you know best what's going on in his head."

She crosses her arms on her chest, that's it, she's upset for the rest of the evening, this day hasn't been funny at all.

Usually, Cersei is often upset in his presence, especially since what happened with Tysha, life at the Red Keep is far from being a long quiet river.

As always when Robert is mentioned, Cersei doesn't respond, silence returns.

"I didn't know Robert was so romantic," Tyrion says.

"What?"

"The flower. In your hair."

"Oh."

She touches her hair, gently pulls it out, she'd forgotten it was there. Her fingers touch the white petals.

"It's not Robert."

Jaime's name hovers between them. Tyrion remembers that not so long ago there were always flowers in Cersei's hair, they thought they were clever, she and Jaime, they thought they were discreet, but they could never fool him, he knew, he has always known. It was the time when they were smiling, happy, carefree, two beautiful golden fools, that's what they were, Cersei looked a bit silly with those pink and white flowers in her hair and Jaime looked even worse, looking at her as if she were the most beautiful wonder in the world. It was all innocence, that was before Father dragged them to King's Landing, before Aerys, before Robert.

"Robert never gives me flowers," Cersei says, "Only diamonds."

She fills her glass with wine for the fourth time.

.

Cersei brushes her long hair in front of the mirror.

_I am the Queen._

Her jewelry box remains closed. Her eyes wander over her skin.

_I am the Queen._

A blue diamond on her arm. She sighs. She shouldn't have smiled so much.

_I am the Queen._

A purple diamond on her hip, a greenish diamond on her shoulder.

_I am the Queen._

Robert creeps up behind her silently. Cersei watches him in the mirror as he kisses her on the top of her head. He has drunk, she can smell the wine on him. She too has drunk, but not enough, she never drinks enough to forget.

"Our child can’t come from nowhere," he says.

Cersei understands the message, lays the brush on the dressing table, gets up, takes off her nightgown, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs and waits obediently.

Robert clumsily climbs on top of her, crushes her with his weight, he has drunk, he has drunk too much, he's hurting her, she will have new blue diamonds on her skin tomorrow.

_I am the Queen. I am the Queen. I am the Queen._

.

"He's so good, » Cersei says.

Jaime is training with Barristan Selmy. Rage distorts his attractive face. Tyrion nods, pensive, of course he's good, their golden brother, he could bring the world to its knees with his sword if he wanted to.

It's not cold but Cersei is trembling, the sun doesn't warm her icy skin, she rubs her arms, wincing. There are dark circles under her eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Tyrion asks.

Cersei turns to glare at him.

"Why would there be something wrong?"

"Have you seen your face lately?" he replies. "You basically look like a corpse."

"Oh."

She shrugs like it's no big deal.

"I just haven't slept much, that's all."

He pretends not to understand what she implied, she pretends she didn’t imply anything, that's what has always defined their relationship, after all, pretending, pretending not to hate each other, pretending to like each other, all to please Jaime, and then one day the line gets blurred, love or hate, they pretend not to know.

Tension rises between Jaime and Barristan, arms are waving, swords are brandished, this training will end badly.

"I won't take any lessons from you, Kingslayer!"

Tyrion winces, the cursed word has been said, he steps in before Jaime does something stupid.

"Jaime, please. Calm down."

"Listen to your brother," Barristan says curtly. "He's obviously wiser than you are."

"I don't-"

"Jaime," Tyrion insists. "Not in front of Cersei."

Kingslayer, the cursed word, Cersei, the magic word. After one last grim look, he throws his sword to the ground, it's only because my sister is here, he seems to say.

"You're hurt," Cersei says, touching the bad cut on his face. A little blood runs down her fingers. Without warning, Jaime covers her hand with his own and rubs it against his cheek, their eyes meet, clinging together, never letting go, it's a flame that never goes out, an old sun that has become too distant, a withered flower that refuses to die altogether. Tyrion clears his throat, it's risky, they could be seen. Cersei withdraws her hand, the link is broken, she looks away.

"I must go."

Jaime doesn’t try to hold her back, he stopped trying a long time ago.

.

_Cersei is nervous, wipes her sweaty hands on her wedding dress, Robert closes the door behind them, looks at her with two eyes shining with envy, she blushes._

_"My beautiful Queen."_

_He refused the bedding ceremony when he saw that it made her uncomfortable, she is grateful to him, she smiles shyly. He undresses her gently and then lies down on top of her, he's a bit drunk but it doesn't matter, his kisses are passionate. She's worried, she's not a maiden, he's going to realize it, what is he going to say? He doesn't even frown once he's inside her, maybe he hasn't noticed anything after all, he doesn't stop kissing her._

_"Cersei," he whispers in her ear._

.

Cersei wanders aimlessly through the corridors, stops, makes sure no one is around, and rolls up the sleeves of her dress.

_I love you so much, Cersei._

Her new blue diamonds are painful, Robert was so rough last night.

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you, Cersei._

"Cersei!"

She is startled, her arms fall down along her body, her heart screams in her chest, more diamonds, maybe, she doesn't know, she never does.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," Robert says.

Cersei steps back imperceptibly.

"There's been another problem with the Kingslayer."

"Don't call him that... please."

He grabs her arm abruptly, her blue diamonds ache.

"Your brother is out of control."

"I know."

"You need to talk to him."

"I will."

She lowers her head like a good obedient wife, he's satisfied, his gaze softens, he lets her go.

"By the way, I've got something for you."

A diamond necklace appears in front of her. She feels a lump in her throat.

"It’s beautiful."

She lets Robert put it on her, she feels his warm breath on the back of her neck.

"My Queen."

He sprinkles her neck with sweet kisses.

"I am nothing without you. You know that, don't you?"

She lets him wrap his arms around her.

"I know."

.

She's dropped her jewelry box on the floor. The diamonds shine, reflect the light of the sun, the light that's gone from her eyes. Cersei adds her new necklace to the pile, lines up the diamonds, changes her mind, sorts them by color.

Blue diamonds. Robert is right, Jaime is so stupid sometimes.

Green diamonds. That dress doesn't hide her skin enough.

Yellow diamonds. A good wife never disagrees with her husband.

Red diamonds. When will she finally stop bleeding?

She finishes lining up the diamonds and walks away, satisfied. A golden bolt flashes out of nowhere and lands on the shiny pile.

"You again?"

The cat with a golden fur and green eyes is meowing noisily, the window is open, that's where he must have come from, he's been coming to visit her for a few weeks but he keeps his distance, so Cersei tries to tame him.

"Do you feel lonely?"

He meows, she thinks she's pathetic, a Queen talking to a cat. She holds out her hand, the cat bends its back, he distrusts humans, maybe he's been mistreated.

"I won't hurt you."

Her hand touches his beautiful fur. The next second, she stares at the mark left by his claws on her arm with empty eyes.

.

"Father will be here in a few days."

The sword strikes again.

"I didn't know that," Jaime says ironically.

Tyrion winces, rolls his eyes, this tree will soon be butchered.

"What did that tree do to you?"

"Nothing. It's one of Cersei's favorites."

A branch collapses to the ground.

"Jaime..."

"Have you seen her new necklace? The one with the big diamonds?"

"Cersei always wears diamonds, Jaime."

He lets out a raging scream. The sword sinks into the trunk, gets stuck, Jaime pulls and almost falls backwards.

"Diamonds. Bloody diamonds. It's all she seems to care about since she got married."

The tree is badly damaged. Jaime raises his sword but it's over, his anger is gone, he drops the weapon on the ground, devastated.

"I don't understand her. I don't understand her anymore. She's changed."

Tyrion sighs and shrugs, what do you want to do about it, she's the Queen now.

"There must be an explanation," Jaime insists. "She can't have forgotten... she can't have forgotten us."

"Robert is her husband. She loves him."

He laughs with contempt.

"Don't make me laugh. She may have affection for him, but she doesn't love him. Not like..."

He doesn't finish his sentence and looks away, fists clenched. Tyrion decides it's time to change the topic.

"You know what I'm going to ask Father."

He's scared, he's scared to death, Tywin's sharp eyes are already piercing him.

"You'd like my support," Jaime guesses.

Tyrion shrugs, embarrassed, doesn't dare say yes, it's a big favor he's asking right now and he knows it.

"You said yourself you're not going anywhere."

Four green eyes stare at the slaughtered tree. The silence is oppressive.

.

_Cersei follows Robert to the small council table, she has only been queen for a few days but he insists that she follow him everywhere._

_"My Queen will have her seat at the council table," he says._

_Stannis doesn’t look happy about it, you're exaggerating, brother, that's no place for a queen, Renly lets out a laugh, he thinks it's funny, Jon Arryn just nods, Littlefinger frowns, pensive._

_Cersei sits beside him, beaming. She is the Queen._

_._

Cersei stares at an invisible spot, a frozen smile on her lips. Her favorite posture not to see, not to listen, not to think.

"Your Grace?"

She would like to erase herself, to be invisible, as immaterial as air, maybe then the diamonds would stop burning her.

"Your Grace?"

Being a drop of water, a gust of wind, a flower petal, she wonders what it would feel like.

"Cersei."

She blinks. All the members of the small council are looking at her. Robert stares at her with his blue eyes, she understands she's been asked a question.

"I agree with the King."

Robert nods, satisfied, that's what he wanted to hear, no one really asked her what she thought. The meeting ends, Robert kisses her cheek and walks away with Renly and Stannis. Jon Arryn takes the time to bow before leaving. Pycelle raises an interrogative eyebrow, she shakes her head, she doesn't need him today.

Littlefinger pretends to gather a few scrolls, lingers, watches her carefully.

"Are you all right, Your Grace?"

Cersei touches her diamond necklace.

"I’m all right."

Her voice doesn't tremble.

_._

_"You contradicted me earlier."_

_The meeting has just finished, only Robert and Cersei are still at the table. She shrugs, uncomfortable, she doesn't like the strange glow that shines in her King's eyes._

_"I've been asked my opinion."_

_"A Queen must always agree with her King. We are one, the two of us. Is that clear?"_

_She makes herself nod, outraged._

_Later, when Jaime asks her where the bruise on her shoulder comes from, she tells him that she tripped over something and hurt herself._

.

The cat comes back to see her. His bright eyes are immediately attracted by the diamond necklace on the dressing table. He comes close to it, starts playing with it. Cersei watches him, pensive.

"I'm glad someone likes it."

She touches the red diamond on her shoulder with her fingertips. Water drops crash in front of the cat. He raises his head and meows.

"I'd like to be like you, jumping off roofs, climbing walls. You never fall, do you?"

He meows. She cries.

The cat jumps on her lap and purrs.

.

Cersei, Jaime and Tyrion are lined up in the courtyard of the Red Keep and watch the scarlet banners with the golden lion following one another in front of them. Robert is not there, a way to remind Tywin who is King, you lions are nothing here, it's the stag that is crowned.

Finally, at the end of the procession, he appears. Jaime sighs, Tyrion tenses up, Cersei stands still. Tywin gets off his horse and stands before them. He doesn’t say a word.

He looks at them from top to bottom, lingers longer than necessary on Cersei's belly, glances at Tyrion in disgust and then finally turns to the only one of his children he's really interested in.

"Jaime. A word."

He understands the message, nods, follows him with his head high, he might as well get it over with right away. Jaime is the perfect heir, the golden lion, the fearless knight, the one who deserves some attention. Cersei and Tyrion are burdens to be discarded quickly, the dwarf and the barren Queen, half lions, disappointments, for once Cersei is closer to Tyrion than she will ever be to Jaime, being left behind creates bonds.

They stand there for long minutes. A few clouds come to hide the sun.

.

Tywin behaves as if the Red Keep were his own, people bow, whisper, this time there are no insults, the word Kingslayer will not be spoken, the melody of the _Rains of Castamere_ resonates in all minds. Tywin sits at the small council table, perhaps in his mind he has never stopped being the Hand of the King. Jaime sits down too, he dreads what will follow, he thinks about Cersei, about Tyrion, it's not good, he must stay focused.

"I'll be brief," Tywin says, he doesn't bother with small talk, doesn't ask him how he is, these trivial things are unworthy of lions.

"I want you to leave the Kingsguard and go back to Casterly Rock. I need my heir."

Jaime opens his mouth to protest, he doesn't give him the time to do so.

"You have two weeks to think about it. I hope you'll have the wisdom to put an end to this masquerade that's been going on for too long."

And he gets up. Jaime watches him, there's bitterness in his eyes, what he wanted was something else than a fleeing shadow as a father, it was Cersei's lips and her kisses, it was to get out of here and never come back, it's really bad luck, all he has is a sword stained with the blood of a King and a twin who is now a stranger.

.

"Your father behaves as if the world were his own."

Cersei does not dare raise her eyes to the mirror and see the first signs of the coming storm. She keeps brushing her long hair.

"He didn't even bother to come and bend his knee before me."

Her gestures become shaky, she pulls out a few hairs.

"He and the Kingslayer are the same. Two lions who haven't realized that the Lannisters are nothing around here."

Cersei puts the brush next to the jewelry box.

"I'm a Lannister too," she hears herself say.

Her voice is a draught, she feels as if a stranger speaks for her, as if Cersei Lannister speaks for her, except that she's not really Cersei Lannister anymore, she's the Queen.

"You are my wife."

Robert's hand closes on her shoulder.

Their eyes meet in the mirror.

.

"My Queen."

Cersei bends her head gracefully in front of the lords who pass before her, welcome, how are you, I’m happy to see you again, I’m glad you made the journey, I’m all right, thank you, everything is all right.

_I'm sorry, Cersei._

Eddard and Catelyn Stark appear, bow, he holds a little boy by the hand, she carries a little girl in her arms.

_I didn't mean to... let me take a look... I'll send for Pycelle, all right?_

"Lord Stark. The King will be pleased to have you here."

"My Queen, allow us to introduce you to our children," Catelyn says. "Robb and Sansa."

_I'm sorry. It's your father and your brother, and these festivities, it's all making me nervous. I'm sorry._

"Come on, Robb, say hello."

He bows awkwardly to her. Little Sansa, who is not two years old, looks at her with two big laughing blue eyes.

_Look at me, Cersei. Look at me. I'm sorry._

She looks at the two children with envy. Her smile turns into a wince, she buries her emotions deep inside herself, it will pass, it always does.

The Starks move away, they were the last ones. Her smile fades, she leaves the courtyard and runs into a deserted corridor.

_I love you, Cersei. I'm sorry. It won't happen again._

She leans against the wall with tears in her eyes, takes deep breaths, it will pass, tomorrow it won't hurt so much.

"Cersei?"

She opens her eyes. Tyrion was in the courtyard too, hiding from their father, so he must have followed her. He comes over to her, puts a hand on her back, years of practice, that's all that stops her from screaming, all that stops the flash of pain from reaching her face.

"Is everything all right?"

He takes his hand away from the huge blue diamond on her skin, she sighs.

_It was the last time, I promise you._

"I'm all right."

"You don't seem to be."

"I... I just don't feel very well, that's all. I need some rest."

He frowns, he doesn't believe her, she panics, a lump grows in her throat.

"I'll take you back to your room," Tyrion says, she sighs, her little brother is too smart for his own good.

It will pass. It will pass.

_The last time._

.

"Have you spoken to Father?"

Jaime and Tyrion watch the nobles in the Throne Room, bored. Some give Jaime a queer look, his jaw tightens, he's drowning in a sea of hatred.

"Not yet," Tyrion replies.

Tywin is nowhere to be seen. Robert speaks loudly, bursts out laughing, today is a day of celebration, his good mood is spreading. Cersei follows him obediently, a vacant look in her eyes, a smile on her lips.

"I'm worried about her," Tyrion says.

Jaime shrugs.

"She's the Queen. What could happen to her?"

But he’s frowning, showing that he’s worried as well, I hate you, sister, but I love you so much.

"She'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't she?"

Tyrion's smile is as false as the Queen's.

"Of course she would."

.

_"Come here, Cersei."_

_Cersei approaches her father meekly._

_"You are going to marry Robert Baratheon. Do you know what that means?"_

_"Yes, Father. I am going to be Queen."_

_"Do you know what a Queen must do?"_

_"Yes, Father. She must give an heir to her King."_

_"Among other things. A Queen must obey her King. You'll have to do as Robert says. Do you understand?"_

_"Yes, Father."_

_"He has chosen you, Cersei. You are the one he wants to marry. It is an honor. Do not disappoint me. Is that clear?"_

_"Yes, Father."_

_"You're going to be Queen. Are you happy?"_

_"Yes, Father."_

.

_I am the Queen._

"Come in."

Cersei gently pushes the door open, closes it behind her, approaches the desk where Tywin is sitting.

"You wished to speak with me, Father?"

He stares at her silently for long seconds. She doesn’t look down.

_I am the Queen._

"You're still not pregnant."

His voice is dry, it's not an observation, it's a reproach.

"No, Father."

"Are you such a disappointing wife?"

Cersei doesn't blush, I am the Queen, Queens do not blush, lions do not blush.

"Robert shares my bed almost every night."

"With very little result, it seems."

"I... I already got pregnant once."

"And you weren't even able to keep it."

It's a memory near and far all at once, a red diamond in her memory, a pain that never leaves her.

"It's a miracle Robert hasn't repudiated you yet."

"Robert loves me."

He laughs.

"Robert needs an heir. If you refuse to give it to him, he'll get it from someone else."

He waves his hand, the conversation is over, she has been lectured, she can go, so she walks to the door, her back is bent, if he saw her blue diamonds what would he say, that's a good question.

"Cersei?"

She stops, wants to take off her dress, look, Father, look what has become of your daughter, look, look.

"You carry the future and the honor of the Lannisters on your shoulders. Do not disappoint me."

You don't see, right, you don't try to see, nobody sees, I'm the Queen, I'm the Queen, I'm the Queen.

"Yes, Father."

.

"They're beautiful. You're lucky, my friend."

Ned smiles, accepts the compliment with modesty, they take after their mother, not me.

"I hope that one day your children will play with mine," Ned says.

"I hope so too."

Robert's good mood vanishes, he sees Cersei’s swelling belly again, her laughing green eyes, she’s glowing, talks to him about names and lullabies, and then one day it's over, it's blood running between her legs and tears on her cheeks, it's her belly that turns into a grave along with their future.

"Your wife is very beautiful," Ned says. "But she doesn't smile much."

Robert shrugs, he too thinks she doesn't smile much, his Diamond Queen, when they have a child it will get better.

"Do you still think of Lyanna?" Ned asks.

"Sometimes," Robert admits.

Ned gets hesitant, they venture out onto slippery ground, it's never good to wake the dead.

"We've never really discussed what happened at the Tower of Joy."

"And I don't wish to talk about it. Please, Ned. We're supposed to be celebrating, let's leave the dead where they are."

He's embarrassed, shrugs, as you wish, after all you're the King.

They don’t say another word.

_._

_"She's glowing," Tyrion says._

_Jaime looks at Cersei’s swelling belly and nods, it's true, their sister is happy, the long-awaited heir is finally coming, it's impossible to remain insensitive to her joy. She smiles at him from across the room, he smothers the bitterness and smiles back._

_"Is it yours? Tyrion asks hesitantly._

_Jaime shakes his head from right to left._

_"I wish it were."_

_._

"It's healing, Your Grace. It should be gone in a couple of weeks."

Cersei nods, gets dressed, looks for Pycelle's gaze, doesn't find it, she wonders why she keeps trying, he never looks her in the eye. She walks down the corridors, makes detours so as not to run into anyone, it's a failure, she almost bumps into Littlefinger.

"Your Grace."

He doesn't hesitate to look her in the eye, he doesn't hesitate to see whereas everyone else is blind, he sees the hidden diamonds, the ones on her skin. She barely replies, goes on her way, he knows, good for him, what difference does it make after all.

The cat is on her bed when she enters her bedchamber. He lets her rub him behind his ears, his eyes narrowing.

"I should give you a name."

She looks out the window, imagines she can fly away, away from the blue diamonds, finally free.

"Dreamfyre," she says, she thinks of those nights she spent in Jaime’s arms, of Casterly Rock, of those stories he used to tell her, those stories of dragons and knights, if dragons still existed, we'd fly away from here, he used to tell her, and we'd go to a place where we could love each other.

She shakes her head, comes to her senses, she's a Queen now, these are silly dreams, that's what she really was, a silly little girl. Dreamfyre meows, he seems to like his name, she smiles a little and she almost forgets about the blue diamonds.

.

"Are you going to compete in this tournament?" Tyrion asks.

Jaime shrugs, looking grim, and pushes his plate away.

"I don't know. Maybe it would be better if I didn't get noticed."

Tyrion notices the dark circles under his eyes, it's funny, Cersei has exactly the same ones.

"Nightmares again?" he guesses.

He nods with a fatalistic air, nothing unusual, he seems to say.

"Have you seen Cersei lately?" Jaime asks. "I feel like she's avoiding me."

She's been avoiding you for five years, brother, he wants to answer, he doesn't, Jaime really doesn't need this.

"Not since yesterday. I think seeing the Stark children has upset her."

"Robert is a fool. What did he think, that waving children in front of her would get pregnant?"

He punches the table.

"I hate him. I hate them all."

And he gets up and walks away quickly.

.

_Three teenagers come out of the ocean, laughing, they are young, still innocent, they look up at what has been their home since birth, shake their golden hair to chase the water out of it, a gleam of nostalgia shines in their green eyes._

_"It's over, isn't it?" Tyrion asks, he's scared, he's just beginning to understand that the world is a cruel place._

_Jaime runs his hand through his hair._

_"No, little brother."_

_He grabs his hand, then grabs Cersei's hand, tomorrow they'll go away but it's all right, the three of them are invincible._

_"We have to promise to always be there for each other, no matter what happens."_

_They are lions, lions have to look after each other._

_"Always?" Jaime says._

_Tyrion nods._

_"Always."_

_Cersei hesitates, takes one look at Tyrion, shrugs, what's the point of pretending._

_"Always."_

.

Cersei is lying in the gardens in the shade of a tree, she watches the sun playing hide-and-seek with the clouds, she can see the towers of the Keep from where she is, she imagines spreading her wings and flying away, or maybe just jumping out of the window and crashing to the ground into a thousand red diamonds, it would surely hurt less.

"Cersei?"

Tyrion and Jaime lean over her, seem surprised to find her here, share a quick glance and then lie down beside her in silence. They don't speak, they don't need words, the tormented knight, the shameful dwarf and the Diamond Queen, what a trio they are, that's the famous Lannister dynasty, three broken lions who don't even dare look each other in the eye anymore to avoid remembering their own pain.

Cersei feels good here, in the midst of her herd of lions, she misses her brothers, even Tyrion, and Jaime... Jaime...

"Cersei... " he whispers as he caresses the back of her hand.

She turns to him, her eyes shine, she remembers the pink and white flowers in her hair, his stories of dragons and knights, her skin against his skin.

"Cersei!"

She is startled and sits up, Robert comes to stand in front of them, his tone is dry. Cersei gets up and grabs the arm her husband is holding out to her. Jaime and Tyrion watch her leave, her absence creates a void between them, they're in pain, it's bleeding, it's a shame they don't try to hold her back, it really is, maybe if they weren't so broken they would have seen, they would have known.

.

"You spend too much time with your brothers. They're a bad influence on you."

Cersei bows her head, once she might have defended them, it's true, they're annoying, insolent, unbearable, but that's why she loves them. The diamonds are making her tongue heavier now.

They meet Ned and Catelyn Stark, they bow respectfully, Robert chuckles, why all the formality, they're friends. They exchange a few words but Ned's gaze never leaves her.

"Is everything all right, Your Grace?"

She smiles quietly.

"Everything is all right."

.

"I don't understand what's keeping you here."

Jaime shrugs. He won't look to the right, where Cersei and Robert are sitting.

"Tyrion's come to talk to you," Jaime guesses.

Tywin laughs scornfully.

"I refuse to leave the Rock to this creature."

Jaime is totally uninterested in the tournament, what's the point if he doesn't compete, what's the point if he can't impress Cersei.

"This creature is your son."

"Robert hates you," Tywin continues, ignoring him, he won't say another word about Tyrion. "You hate him too. You hate King's Landing. Go back to Casterly Rock, you'll get the respect you deserve. You won't have to bow to anyone, you will do whatever you want. We'll find you a wife. You'll have children."

It's tempting, fleeing this contempt, these nightmares, the Mad King's voice in his head, Robert's voice in his ears. He would say yes without hesitation, actually, if it wasn't for Cersei, he sighs, everything has always been for Cersei.

"I like my current life, Father."

He doesn't expect Tywin to believe him. He doesn't believe himself.

.

"A cat?"

Dreamfyre is lying in her lap when Robert walks into the room.

"You know I hate cats."

Cersei's hand closes on the golden fur.

"I really like this cat... please."

He approaches the bed, Dreamfyre spits and immediately runs away. He unbuttons her nightgown, squeezes her breast.

"Robert..." she tries to protest.

He doesn't listen to her, she finds herself totally naked, he crawls on her body studded with diamonds.

"I love you, Cersei," he says before pressing his mouth against her own.

She lets him, struggling is useless, she looks at the ceiling and waits until he's done thinking about who knows what.

_I am the Queen._

Robert falls asleep quickly. When she hears him snoring, she gets up, tiptoes across the room, opens the door, walks out into the dark corridor.

_I am the Queen._

She leans against the wall and sits on the floor, burying her head in her knees, and then in the dead of night, Cersei Lannister begins to cry.

.

"I still don't understand why Ned Stark agreed to come."

He avoids the other lords, barely smiles, watches over his two children like a direwolf would watch over its cubs.

Jaime shrugs, he doesn't know and doesn't care.

"He's looking for answers."

Littlefinger looks at them with his perpetually omniscient eyes.

"Answers?" Tyrion repeats. "About what?"

"Lyanna, of course."

Jaime frowns.

"Lyanna is dead. Rhaegar's soldiers killed her at the Tower of Joy when they realized the war was lost. There is no mystery."

Littlefinger laughs, they're almost the same age but Jaime feels like he's an ignorant child next to him.

"Yes, that's the official version. Very touching, I must admit. The noble Ned Stark arriving too late and crying over his sister's dead body... tears fill my eyes when I think about it."

The irony in his voice makes the air vibrate.

"What's your point?"

"Lyanna didn't by the sword," Littlefinger replies. "She was very much alive when Ned arrived. Robert wasn't far behind."

"Did Ned reunite with his sister, then?" Tyrion asks naively.

A thin smile twists the lips of the Master of Coin.

"He didn't have time for that. He was at the bottom of the tower when Lyanna crashed right at his feet."

He watches them quietly, the tension is rising.

"What are you implying, Lord Baelish?" Jaime asks after a minute of silence.

"I'm not implying anything, Ser."

"One of Rhaegar's soldiers must have pushed Lyanna," he says.

Littlefinger bows mockingly.

"Of course. Have a nice day."

And he walks away. Tyrion and Jaime stand still.

"She would have told me if something was wrong," Jaime whispers. "She would have told me."

Tyrion doesn't nod.

.

Cersei wanders aimlessly, Cersei is a breath of wind, a transparent cloud, a fleeing shadow. She leans over the windows, walks down the stairs with her eyes closed, she dreams of Casterly Rock, her tears taste like the ocean in which she used to bathe with Jaime and Tyrion.

Cersei dreams of turning into a ghost, of having no body, no skin, no more diamonds, Cersei thinks of disappearing completely, it's not as if there's much of her left anyway.

She finds herself in the gardens without really understanding how, nose up, and then she trips over something, she looks down, it's a lifeless shape with a golden fur. She cries out, falls to her knees, her brave Dreamfyre, a mass of flesh and blood, she wants to cry but she has no tears left, she's already shed them all, so she just looks at him, her mind wandering somewhere else.

"Your Grace?"

Catelyn Stark kneels beside her.

"Did you know this cat?"

She nods.

"The poor animal, it must have fallen," Catelyn says.

Cersei looks up at the window of her bedchamber, right there, tens of feet higher.

"This cat never fell."

.

"Cersei is unhappy."

Robert stands before the Iron Throne, staring at it, Ned stands beside him, listening to him in silence.

"I don't understand," Robert continues. "I remind her that I love her every day. I give her everything she can dream of. I give her diamonds, she has more diamonds than any other woman in Westeros."

Ned remembers other diamond necklaces, the ones he saw around Lyanna's neck, he sees the Tower of Joy again, a scream of despair and it was over, untold truths cast their shadows over them.

"Ned?"

"Yes?"

"I loved Lyanna. You know that, right?"

Silence.

"I know."

Ned walks to the door without looking back. Robert doesn't hold him back.

.

"I think she likes you," Catelyn smiles.

Cersei looks at little Sansa sitting in her lap with some tenderness, gets lost in her blue eyes, strokes her red hair, lets her grab one of her golden strands and pull on it.

"Your daughter is sweet," she replies. "You're very lucky."

They're sitting in the gardens. Catelyn watches Robb from the corner of her eye, then puts a hand on her belly, looking dreamy. They glance at each other, Cersei understands, gives her a little smile, congratulations.

"I'm waiting for the right time to tell Ned," Catelyn says.

Cersei lowers her head to look at her own belly, her eyes get wet, she was so happy, she imagined her child with black hair and blue eyes, she was glowing, Robert was glowing, the long-awaited heir, for a while the diamonds disappeared from her skin, and then there was blood between her thighs, a lot of blood, it was over, the diamonds came back.

Catelyn covers her hand with her own.

"You should come to the North, Your Grace. It may seem rather grim, after King's Landing, but it's very peaceful. Besides, Robb and Sansa really like you. You could like it there."

Catelyn looks at this barely-smiling, trembling, empty-eyed queen, a red flag has appeared in her mind, she'll make sure Ned doesn't make the same offer to Robert.

Cersei bows her head slightly and nods.

"That's very kind of you."

Both of them know she's not going anywhere.

.

Cersei stares at the inside of her jewelry box, sighing, she's been feeling lonely since Dreamfyre died. She picks a ring with a green diamond, puts it on the greenish diamond in the crook of her arm, and then she does it again, another ring, a necklace, a bracelet, some purple here, some blue there, she's really turning into the Diamond Queen.

_._

_"Run away with me, Cersei. "_

_Cersei is startled, Jaime sneaks into her room and pulls her into an embrace._

_"Please, run away with me."_

_She shakes her head._

_"I'm going to be Queen, Jaime. Robert's Queen. You know that's what I've always wanted. Look, he's already given me diamonds," she says, pointing to the jewelry box._

_"I love you, I love you so much. Imagining you with him makes me sick."_

_She sighs._

_"I have to be faithful to him, you know that."_

_Jaime lowers his head, he's defeated, he can't compete against a king, tomorrow Cersei will no longer be his, only tomorrow._

_He caresses her shoulder, kisses her neck, she moans._

_"Jaime-"_

_"Give us this night, Cersei, please. Tomorrow you will marry him and you will be his forever, so please, give us at least that. One last time."_

_Her body is on fire, she could never resist Jaime, tomorrow she will be queen but for now she's still that young girl with flowers in her hair as a crown. Cersei nods._

_"One last time."_

_Their clothes fall to the ground._

.

The festivities are coming to an end, it's the last night, the lords will leave the next day, it's time to say goodbye. As a perfect Queen, Cersei walks around the room with a smile on her face, accepting compliments, thank you for coming, have a safe journey, I hope we'll see each other again soon. Her diamond crown is heavy, her head is spinning, she's asked for a dance, she accepts, and then without understanding how she ends up in Jaime's arms.

"It's very difficult to get close to you," he smiles, his eyes shining.

Cersei tries to pull away, he holds her back.

"Robert..."

"Your husband's had you hanging on his arm all day," he cuts off. "You can dance with your brother, can't you?"

She's uncomfortable and makes herself smile.

"Of course."

He's holding her tight, a little too tight for a brother.

"I miss you, Cersei. I-"

"Not here."

He nods, takes her hand and leads her out of the room. Laughter and conversations fade away.

"Father wants me to leave with him in the morning," Jaime says.

Cersei turns her back towards him.

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing."

Two strong arms wrap around her waist. She bites her lip not to moan.

"I miss you. I miss you so much."

"I know."

"Don't you miss me?"

"Of course I do."

She turns around gently, lets him stroke her cheek but puts her hand on his mouth when he tries to kiss her.

"Jaime, please... don't make this any harder."

He's frustrated, lets out a bitter laugh.

"You don't even love him."

"I'm his wife. He's a good husband."

"A good husband! He showers you with diamonds, gives you a crown and that's it, he's a good husband? Don't make me laugh!"

"Jaime..."

He paces around the corridor, punching the air.

"What happened to you, Cersei? You avoid me, you hardly eat, you lose weight, you don't smile, you don't even talk anymore... what the hell has happened to you?"

He grabs her hand and squeezes it tight.

"I want my sister back, my other half. I want the woman I love back."

She remembers him five years ago, when he asked her to run away, when she refused, Queens don't run away, lions don't run away, lions keep standing.

"Tell me you don't love me anymore," Jaime whispers. "Look me in the eye, tell me you don't love me anymore, and I'll leave you alone."

She raises her empty eyes, death meets life, if he stays she will be the end of him.

"Go with Father, Jaime. Go back to Casterly Rock. You deserve a wife worthy of you."

The Diamond Queen walks away and fades into the shadows.

.

_"You need a wife, Robert," Stannis says, looking sullen. "You can't mourn Lyanna forever."_

_"I know, I know!"_

_He's sitting on the Iron Throne, his brothers are around him, he's watching the lords who are present, bored. Only one lady has really caught his attention, she has big green eyes and long golden hair, she's beautiful, even more beautiful than Lyanna, their eyes meet, they smile at each other._

_"The Lannister girl."_

_"The Tully girl has no betrothed now that Brandon Stark is dead," Renly says. " She's said to be very beautiful."_

_"She's to marry Ned now."_

_"Ned will understand," Stannis replies. " She's said to be very gentle. She'll be more docile than this one."_

_But Robert shakes his head, he's already made his choice._

_"I want Cersei Lannister."_

_._

The door slams shut. Cersei remains lying on the floor, her eyes drowned with tears, breathing hard, she coughs up blood, new diamonds bloom on her skin. She knew that dancing with all those lords was a mistake, she will never learn.

She painfully stands up, takes off her torn dress, turns to the mirror, observes what has become of her body.

_I am the Queen._

She traces the outline of her protruding ribs with her fingertips, touches her hollow cheeks, her flat stomach, her thin legs.

_I am the Queen._

She looks at the blue, purple and yellow constellation, one diamond on her shoulder, two diamonds on her thigh, three diamonds on her back, four diamonds on her chest, five diamonds on her arms. Her eyes meet those of that stranger in the mirror, a few tears fall on the floor.

She no longer recognizes herself.

She wanted to be the Queen, now she's only the King's shadow.

A bitter smile appears in the mirror.

_Well, congratulations, Cersei. You are the Queen. Are you happy now? Are you happy?_

.

Tyrion runs through the dark corridors.

 _She doesn't want me anymore_ , Jaime cries in his mind. _She wants me gone. She doesn't want me anymore._

He enters the room without knocking, Robert isn't there, he just saw him talking about going hunting with Ned Stark before he left.

He freezes. Cersei is completely naked in front of her mirror, his first reflex is to look down. Then something strange happens. Time stands still. They both stand still as their eyes meet in the mirror.

Tyrion first sees the awful yellowish stain on her back, then the bruises on her legs, on her chest, on her arms.

Her blue diamonds.

_Robert never gives me flowers. Only diamonds._

Tyrion feels sick. Cersei pulls herself together, puts on a nightgown to hide her bruised body from him. One step, two steps, three steps. He's beside her, she sits in front of her dressing table, playing distractedly with a diamond necklace. He clenches his fists, his voice trembles a little.

"Who knows about this?"

_Who knows? Who knows and watches him do this without saying anything?_

"The servants. Pycelle. Probably Littlefinger. Stannis and Renly must have figured it out. Jon Arryn too."

Cersei avoids his burning eyes, his imploring eyes, his screaming eyes, I'm sorry, I should have seen, I'm sorry, forgive me.

He touches the bruise on her shoulder with his fingertips.

"You need to tell Jaime."

"No."

Her voice is determined. The voice of a lioness.

"If you don't, I will."

"No! If Jaime finds out, he'll kill Robert. You know he will."

"But-"

"Listen to me. Jaime already killed a King, a King that everyone hated, and he barely survived. Everyone in Westeros hates him. What do you think will happen if he murders their beloved Robert?"

"If they knew what he does to you..."

She shakes her head, you're very naive, brother.

"I am his wife. I belong to him. He's within his rights."

"This is ridiculous," he says. "If you think I'm going to shut up while-"

"Look, I'm fine, all right? Everything is all right."

He grabs the necklace out of her hands and throws it across the room.

"Gods, Cersei, you look like a corpse. He smashed up who you were with his fists so don't tell me you're all right."

Tears come to her eyes, she wipes them away.

"He'll kill you," Tyrion says, stop lying to me, stop lying to yourself, you know he will.

"It won't go that far. Robert... Robert loves me."

"He _loves_ you?"

A joyless laugh comes out of his mouth.

"Look what he does to you. Look, Cersei, _look_. I don't know what this is, but it's certainly not love."

"What do you know about love?" she replies, bitter.

Tysha's shadow appears. A seductive face, the flash of desire, a fleeting illusion. He shakes his head, other images come to him.

Casterly Rock, the ocean, three children throwing themselves into the waves, laughing. Games of hide-and-seek in the corridors of the castle, three lion cubs watching the sunsets and the stars in the ink-colored sky. A boy and a girl fighting all the time, too proud to show affection. A teenage boy too small who stands guard outside the door of the bedchamber where golden twins defy what is forbidden. Three siblings looking into each other's eyes the day before a great departure, a pact written in their blood since birth, a single word carried away by the wind.

"I haven't forgotten," Tyrion whispers.

_Always?_

Cersei finally looks him in the eye, it's green against green, if he kills you, he kills me too.

"I haven't forgotten either," she replies.

 _Always_.

"That's why you can't tell Jaime. I... Robert is going hunting tomorrow. It will calm him down. It will pass. It always does. Jaime is going back to Casterly Rock. He'll be all right. You must promise not to tell him anything. Promise me, Tyrion."

She's grabbed his shoulders, squeezing them tight, and then she pulls him close when he has nodded unwillingly.

"Cersei-"

"Go, now. Robert will be back soon."

She turns away, this Diamond Queen, the diamonds flow in rivers from her eyes, from their eyes, they pierce Tyrion at every step he takes towards the door.

_Promise me, Tyrion._

He bumps into Robert on the stairs, his blood boils, his heart howls. They stare at each other.

_I know everything. You beat my sister. I know, I saw, I saw what you do to her._

"Is everything all right, Tyrion?"

A horrible grin distorts his lips.

_I know everything._

"Everything is all right."

They both start walking again.

_If Jaime finds out, you're a dead man._

.

"You've made the right choice, my son."

Jaime rides through the city gates, his head down.

_She doesn't want me anymore. She doesn't want me anymore._

"We'll find you a wife soon," Tywin continues.

He doesn't listen to him, looks up, the sun is shining, it's hot, so why is he so cold?

_She doesn't want me anymore._

He closes his eyes, imagines this promised bride, imagines kissing, caressing a body other than Cersei's, feels sick.

"...Casterly Rock..."

Memories. An ocean, flowers, stolen kisses, his heart against her heart.

"Jaime?"

He stops his horse.

Cersei no longer smiling, Cersei no longer laughing, Cersei losing weight, Cersei avoiding him, Cersei fading away, Cersei dying.

"What are you doing, Jaime? Come on."

A promise.

_Always?_

"I've changed my mind."

There are some battles that you just can't give up.

 _Always_.

.

She's in the gardens when he finds her.

"Cersei!"

He rushes towards her, embraces her, never wants to let her go, always, always.

"Jaime? What are you doing here? I thought you left with Father."

"I've come back. I couldn't leave. I can't live without you. I love you."

The flame is rekindled, one would think that after five years there would be nothing left, it may be true for the others, they are different, what binds them is stronger, it cannot disappear, it will be from the cradle to the grave, it will be lips against lips, one heart, one soul.

"Cersei..."

That's all he manages to say when they part, out of breath, her cheeks are pink, life has come back into her eyes.

"Jaime..."

"Come with me. Now. Let's take Tyrion with us and get out of here. He won't find us."

"He will find us."

She kisses him one last time, a softer kiss tasting like tears.

"You're even worse than Tyrion," she sighs, not without affection. "I love you, Jaime. I've always loved you... but I'm Robert's wife. I must be faithful to him."

She looks away, it's hard, way too hard.

"Goodbye, Jaime."

She's lying, he knows she is, she's been lying to him for five years, something is wrong, he won't let her pull away from him anymore.

Jaime goes looking for Tyrion.

.

Cersei flees to her room with trembling hands and red cheeks, heartbroken.

Someone is already here, waiting for her.

"Good morning, Cersei," Robert says in a voice far too polite to be natural. He's sitting on the bed, gesturing for her to come closer. She does so, hands behind her back.

"Robert... I thought you were hunting."

"I was, but I was feeling guilty about our fight last night. I thought maybe I'd been too hard on you... so I decided to turn back."

"Oh. I see."

He gets up, stands in front of her. His eyes are as cold as ice.

"So I came back and made a detour to the gardens, thinking you might be there."

She glances at the door.

"I saw something very interesting going on there."

She'll never be able to reach it, Robert is blocking her way.

"You're nothing but a whore."

He slaps her.

_He's always spared my face before._

.

Tyrion is sitting at the small council table. He's crying. Jaime walks over to him, puts one hand behind his back.

"What's going on, Tyrion?" he asks.

Tyrion barely hesitates, this secret is gnawing at him from the inside, it's far too heavy for him, forgive me, Cersei, I must break my promise.

"Cersei..."

"What, Cersei? What's the matter?"

"Cersei... she..."

His tears are keeping him from saying three words in a row.

"Tell me, Tyrion! What's the matter? Is it Robert? Tell me!"

"Cersei has blue diamonds..."

"What? What are you talking about?"

But Jaime gets it. Horror, guilt, fear, anger, all that leaves a big blue diamond on his heart.

"She has blue diamonds... on her skin."

.

"I can't believe it. You fuck your own brother, you whore."

"I don't-"

"Don't lie to me!"

He slaps her. Her head hits the floor.

"I saw you! I saw you kissing him! Don't play me for a fool!"

"Robert, please... you're scaring me..."

"Stop crying."

He kicks her. She folds in two, trying to catch her breath.

"I can't believe it. I gave you everything, everything! I made you my Queen, I showered you with diamonds, I remained faithful to you while I could have had any woman and you were spreading your legs for your brother!"

"Robert..."

He punches her, tearing her brow line. Blood flows into her eye.

"You're a slut!"

.

"Ser Jaime?"

Littlefinger comes out of the shadows. Jaime turns to him, looking pale.

"What do you want, Baelish? Now is not the time."

"Just to inform you that the King has returned from hunting."

"What?"

"I saw him about twenty minutes ago. He was coming back from the gardens. He looked angry."

Jaime looks at Tyrion. Tyrion looks at Jaime.

And they know.

.

Cersei is weeping, she can barely breathe and crawls to the door in vain.

"You fuck your brother," Robert repeats. "Almost before my eyes."

"No, I... not anymore!"

She manages to straighten up and gets another slap. Her head hits her dressing table. Stars appear before her eyes.

"Liar."

"I'm not lying, I assure you! I've always been faithful to you, always! Please-"

"Liar."

Another punch.

"I knew you weren't a maiden on our wedding night... I knew, and I got over it because I thought I'd married an honorable woman... what a fool I was, you're a disgusting whore! Your own brother!"

Her swollen face is nothing but pain.

"I should have listened to my brothers. Marry the Tully girl, they told me! She's docile, she'll give you beautiful heirs, but I wanted you, you who are nothing but a whore! Why did I fell in love with you?"

He grabs her by the hair and throws her on the bed.

"It was your brother who planted his bastard in your belly, wasn't it? An abomination. The gods did me a favor when they expelled it from your whore's womb."

Cersei moves weakly, her vision gets darker, her strength abandons her.

"Never... Jaime... your child... your child..."

"Liar."

He climbs on top of her, her beautiful face has disappeared under the diamonds.

"I love you so much. Why have the gods made me love a hateful woman? Why?"

His fingers lock around her throat.

.

"Hurry up, Ser."

.

Casterly Rock, the ocean, the laughter, the flowers, the promise.

Jaime was right.

They should have run away.

.

A door opening in a hurry.

A scream.

Blood.

A dead body.

.

The Sept is deserted, the light of the setting sun illuminates the interior of the holy building with a red light. In the center of the room there is a corpse. In front of the corpse, a man in armor is kneeling. Beside him, on the floor, there is a blood-stained sword.

The knight is crying.

He stays here for a long time, letting silence cover him with blue diamonds.

"Jaime?"

Another man, smaller, comes to join him and falls to his knees beside him.

"Come, Jaime. Let's go.There's nothing for us here."

Jaime nods with a burning look on his face.

"Go ahead, Tyrion. I'll be there in a minute."

Tyrion nods his head, he understands, of course, take your time, brother. He leaves.

Jaime gets up, picks up his dirty sword, wipes away a few tears, leans over the cold corpse.

"If I could bring you back to life, I would," he whispers.

His words are a storm that sounds like a breeze.

"And I would kill you a second time. I would kill you again and again. You deserve to die a hundred times."

Jaime Lannister walks away and leaves Robert Baratheon's body behind him.

.

They don't say a word to each other on the way back. Jaime watches the sunset that reminds him of the ones he would see at Casterly Rock. When they enter the Red Keep's courtyard, Petyr Baelish is waiting for them and heads towards them.

"Everything is arranged," he says.

"What do you mean? " Tyrion asks.

"The king has died in a hunting accident. No one will ask any questions. You can rest easy, Ser Jaime."

Jaime lets out a bitter laugh.

"No one will believe it."

"Ned Stark himself confirmed that version. No one will question his word."

Littlefinger bows and turns around. Jaime grabs his arm in disbelief.

" _Ned Stark_ confirmed this version? That's impossible. There's no more honorable man than Ned Stark in all the Seven Kingdoms. He would never lie like that."

The Master of Coin does not frown, as always he is one step ahead of them.

"Ned Stark knows why his sister chose to throw herself off that tower rather than wait for Robert to come and get her."

He bows and walks away. Tyrion feels a lump growing in his throat.

"Come, Jaime. Let's go see her."

.

"She'll be all right," Pycelle says. "You... you got here just in time, Ser."

Jaime's cold eyes pierce him. As he's about to slip away, he blocks his way.

"I should kill you," he hisses. "I should-"

"Jaime," Tyrion cuts him off. "Please... not now."

Jaime pushes Pycelle, who runs out of the room, and approaches the bed fearfully. Revolted, he makes himself look at every bruise that Robert left on Cersei's skin, every blow, every diamond that he didn't see, that he didn't want to see, this body that he loved so much, this bruised body, he finally stares at what has become of her beautiful face, an ocean of blood, of tears, of suffering, he falls to his knees and bursts into tears, his head in his hands.

"How could I have been so blind?"

Tyrion puts a hand on his shoulder, he too is crying, he too was blind, except that he knew, he saw, he could have done something, he didn't keep his promise for long but it was already too much, he should be the one with a broken body.

"How could I not see? It was here, right under my nose... five years, Tyrion, five years and I didn't see anything!"

His tears leave wet stains on the sheets.

"She should hate me," he says. "Five years... he was smashing her down in front of me and I didn't see anything. I was jealous. I thought she was selfish. He was smashing her down and I didn't see it. What an idiot!"

Jaime was the tormented knight, what he saw was Aerys, wildfire, contempt, nightmares, Tyrion was the shameful dwarf, the one who looked down, who dreamed of the Rock and of some recognition, they had their own problems so they didn't pay attention to those of the Diamond Queen, this truth is hideous, they hate themselves so much.

They wonder if the tears they shed are as numerous as Cersei's diamonds.

.

It is night. Tyrion has fallen asleep at the end of the bed. Jaime lies beside Cersei, careful not to touch her. She moves, fluttering her eyelids.

"Jaime?"

Her voice is hoarse, broken after screaming and crying so much.

"Cersei. Oh, Cersei..."

She turns to him, she looks down, she is deprived of her beauty and feels vulnerable, the diamonds are far too visible.

"Jaime..."

"Don't talk," he murmurs. "Please don't speak."

They stare at each other silently in the dark. Jaime opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, the words choke in his throat.

"I..."

He breaks down. Tears are falling again.

"Gods, Cersei... I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault..."

"How can you say that? It was here, right in front of me, and I didn't see it. I blamed you, I didn't want to understand... I'm so sorry. Forgive me, Cersei, please. Forgive me. I beg you..."

His tears mingle with her own, soon they can't be distinguished, they're one again, it's sad that it's under such circumstances.

"I didn't want you to see. I knew... I knew you'd kill him... I didn't want anything to happen to you. They already called you Kingslayer, they hated you so much..."

He shakes his head.

"I killed a King to save a kingdom. I would kill a kingdom to save you. I would do it without hesitation. I don't care what anyone says about me, I don't care what happens to me."

He doesn't dare embrace her, so he gently grabs her hand and kisses it.

"I was a disappointing wife," Cersei continues. "That's why-"

"Don't you ever say anything like that again, do you hear me? It's not your fault, it was never your fault. Robert was... I can't find the words. Don't feel guilty, you're not responsible. Please don't feel guilty... I'm the one who's to blame. I'm so sorry. I'm your other half. I should have known."

She sighs, weary. The sun rises, the light streams into the room.

"Don't feel like you have to look at me. I must be so hideous..."

"Don't ever say that. You're not hideous, you're the most beautiful woman in the world. I'll never stop looking at you."

He brushes the diamonds on her face, makes them his own, they're here because of him, he has to look at them, kiss them until they disappear.

"I love you, Cersei. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Forgive me."

She smiles faintly, nods, of course I forgive you, I'm the fool, I'm the one who wanted to be Queen.

"I love you too."

Tyrion has awakened, he approaches them, head down, like a child who's done something wrong.

"I'm sorry," he says to Cersei. "I know I promised I wouldn't say anything... I couldn't keep quiet, I couldn't."

She nods, she understands, squeezes his hand briefly, she's alive because he spoke, blaming him would be stupid.

A single thought is on their minds.

 _Always_.

.

A few weeks have gone by. Littlefinger was right, nobody asked any questions about Robert's death. Ned Stark came to her room before he left, he saw the blue diamonds and he nodded, knowing he had done the right thing.

Cersei is feeling a little better. The diamonds on her body and face are starting to disappear, they'll never quite go away, she knows that, the Diamond Queen will always haunt her.

That morning, Cersei grabs her jewelry box and leaves the castle. The rays of the sun are warm on her bare arms, it's odd not to hide them anymore. She approaches the shores of the Blackwater, opens the box and puts it on the ground. Then she grabs a piece of jewelry at random, staring at it for a long time.

It's a red diamond. A reproach.

She throws it into the water. And she does the same thing again.

A purple diamond. An insult.

A yellow diamond. A punch.

A blue diamond. A slap.

Finally, she takes the diamond crown off her head, hesitates for a while, hears Tyrion again.

"It wasn't love."

The crown disappears into the dark water. She turns around and doesn't look back.

Cersei is no longer the queen.

And she finally feels free.

.

Tyrion and Jaime are sitting in the gardens, waiting for her. She sits between them, the silence lingers but it's not oppressive, not anymore, the time of lies is over.

"What are we going to do now?" Cersei asks.

Jaime stands up. He's determined.

"We're going to leave. There's nothing left for us here, nothing at all."

Tyrion rises to his feet.

"Where will we go?"

"Home."

"Father will-"

"I don't care what Father will say. I don't give a damn. We don't have to take orders from him. I'll never let him control our lives again. If he doesn't want us back, then we'll go somewhere else. Just the three of us. Nothing else matters, only us."

Cersei remembers the stories of dragons and knights, a lifetime ago, when he spoke of a place where they could love each other. A place without diamonds.

"Always?" Jaime asks in a hesitant voice.

Tyrion nods, smiles too.

"Always."

Jaime picks a pink flower, reaches out his hand to help Cersei get up. She lets him put it in her hair. It smells like life.

"Always."


End file.
